Who knows?
by A.C. Castle
Summary: she wants to find an excuse not to accompany him... can she find one? would she want to? please R&R!


**Hi :3 so, this is a one shot i had in my mind for like a week, but college and life were making it hard for me to write... **

**Set after 3x17 **

**Again, don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine... not a native English speaker so bare with me :D**

**Reviews are very very much appreciated :D**

**Disclaimer: i don't own anything :3**

* * *

Kate Beckett had never walked into his loft when it wasn't absolutely necessary. She could only remember an occasion or two besides the time she had stayed that after her apartment blew off, like the time she went to return Martha's jewelry and they had made her stay for breakfast.

The poker games didn't count, she was with the guys or the mayor, the captain or even a judge. This time she was actually going to his loft, alone, with him, and not for a case or something Nikki Heat related. Ok, maybe she was over reacting, Alexis will be there and Ashley, Alexis now very serious boyfriend, but that was one of the reasons she felt so… she didn't know how to put it. It was too much family for her to handle, and not only that, it was _his_ family. Hell, it was him!

After last summer she had closed that window for good, met Josh and was actually kind of fine. But, Castle been Castle, couldn't just stay away. He had just gotten closer and closer to her, to her heart, again. Kate hated to admit it but when she heard him broke things up with Gina, she felt weird, like a weight lifted from her shoulders. She pushed those feelings aside and she was there for him.

Two weeks later they had kissed, a decoy kiss, the first one anyway, well, the second too. It started that way, because the guy wasn't buying it, but she got lost in Castle, when she felt that little noise come from within her she snapped out to reality and realized the reason for the kiss.

At that moment she knew she had changed. They had changed. She noticed it in the days after that _event_. He had changed too, but he wasn't awkward, pushy or distant, a thing she appreciated very much. He was her partner after all, as much as she had fought to admit it, it was the truth. He seemed calmer and more serious in a good way, he was goofy and childish as always but he had these moments, looks of something she couldn't put a finger on but she liked those looks. Her change was more subtle, just a smile here and there. She was more comfortable around him, like she could really be herself around _him_, of all people.

That is probably the reason why she had ended things with josh, it wasn't fair to him, and she didn't have feelings for Josh… or Castle. She hadn't broke things up with doctor motorcycle boy for writer boy, no, no, she had done it because she didn't have feelings for the good doctor, not anymore. She realized this when he came back from Africa and she couldn't have felt more equal about it. If it was for her he could had been there another month and she wouldn't have even noticed. When he had stopped to visit her to the 12th she was working on a very, very important case and she couldn't deal with him at the moment. He didn't take it well and after a calmed talk, still at the precinct, he had said his goodbyes, for good.

It had been a couple of weeks after that and Castle and Beckett had been talking more, flirting more, she had been smiling more. But his invitation felt like going to a more intimate level, not necessarily sexual or romantic, but definitely more intimate and, honestly, she didn't know if she was prepared for that.

Maybe the invitation was kind of her fault… just a little bit. It all had started after they had closed a case, usually after a really hard case they all went to Remy's, but Ryan had to take care of a few things for the wedding and Espo had a date with Lanie. So they were going to grab a quick bite and call it a night, or so she thought.

_He said he had promised Alexis a movie night so that he and Ashley could 'bond'. She laughed at the look of horror and fear on his face, his little girl had become a woman and was very serious about this boy. "Well, see you on Monday, unless there is a murder" – she said and began to walk to the elevator but could hear his footsteps very close to hers – "Yes, Castle?" _

"_Amazing how you do that without even looking" – she turned around to face him and rolled her eyes, expecting and answer, fighting to content a smile that was treating to surface._

"_I was thinking… - he suddenly seemed insecure for a fraction of a second- … If you wanted to join me, us" he said while showing his most charming smile combined with those puppy-dog eyes._

"_I don't think so, but thanks"_

"_Why nooooot?" – He asked, whining and pouting_

"_It's a family thing, I don't want to impose" _

"_Family? Ashley will be there, he is not family… oh, Becket! Now I'm getting thoughts of Alexis getting married!"_

"_Castle, will you get a hold of yourself? Alexis is really young. Don't worry, ok? – She responded using all her will power not to laugh at that poor man's face. _

"_I guess you are right… - he said with a sad tone that faded almost immediately, showing his best cocky smile – But just for that, you have to come with me"_

"_Wh-why?" _

"_If you are there, it will be a friendly reunion, not a father in law – son in law bonding thing. Pleaseeeeeee, I'll be on my best behavior for a week" – he proposed with his best sad face. _

_Ok, she was in trouble. He kind of have a point, but she tried to come up with an excuse, as lame as it could sound, she didn't care. Even saying she had to do some grocery shop. It was Friday, 9 o'clock. There goes that plan… Lanie was on a date, the boys too. Even the captain wasn't there. "_Come on, Kate! Think!" _damn, even paperwork was all done. Nothing, not one single excuse, cero, nada, zip. Damn it. _

"_A month and an ice cream from that place I love so much" _

_After the look of shock on his face was gone because of the month part, he smiled warmly "As you wish, my lady"_

* * *

They went to the elevator and talked, she was teasing him about his 'father in law – son in law' bonding thing. He was so easy to tease! But after they went out to take a cab she looked at him seriously.

"Castle"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure I'm not stepping on a family thing? Wouldn't Alexis mind?"

"Alexis? Naah, are you kidding me? She likes you more than she does me! She would probably want to know your opinion of Ashley"

That was… No, his daughter couldn't… Kate wasn't her mother, they had only shared a few moments, sure she liked Alexis and cared about her, but who wouldn't? She was a good kid, respectful and kind. But why would Alexis cared for her opinion on the boys she dated?

"Yeah, right" –it was all she dared to say, trying to sound her normal self.

He was about to say something when the cab appeared and they got in. She just looked out of the window, admiring the city, getting lost on his words.

Castle must have felt something was wrong, because he grabbed her hand, gently and squeezed a little. She turned at the fell of his touch and tensed out of instinct, but relaxed almost a fraction after.

"Kate, if you don't want to go…"

"No, I want my ice cream" – she said without thinking much and smiled briefly before staring at the window again, never letting go of his hand.

As she stared at the city she got lost on her own mind. _"What the hell did I just said? I want my ice cream?" WHAT GOT OVER ME? I could have just said, "Yeah, I'm tired. I want to go home". But nooooo, my mind had to do that._

Her mind, she smiled at the thought. The mind is something very strange, it has the very annoying ability of entering a thought, image, sound or even a smell when you are most vulnerable. As if to say, I know you know the truth, deal with it. And the truth was… she liked been with Richard Castle. Her mind showed her something more, the kiss, their kiss. She knew what her subconscious was trying to say, but her conscious was a little more powerful, so she pushed away that moment. For now. She was not ready to face that little piece of truth. She looked at him. He was smiling at her, that honest smile that disarmed her. She smiled back and realizing the feeling of their hands together she slowly pull hers back, squeezing his briefly.

He was almost sad when he felt her hand sliding out of his grip, still a little surprised that she hadn't pulled right away but sad when she did.

Then, he felt the squeeze, brief, warm and most importantly, hopeful. He knew her, better than he knew himself sometimes, that little gesture meant "Not yet". He was content, hopeful, he… now had a reason to wait for her as long as it took. She was just not ready to deal with whatever she was feeling, but was getting there, and that alone gave him strength to wait, even if it took a life time, because he had hope in them.

When he had ended things with Gina after realizing he wanted magic, he wanted extraordinary, he wanted _her, _he never actually had any hopes of something happening between them. First because of doctor boy, if she was happy then he was happy for her, at the end all that mattered was her happiness, if it wasn't with him he would accept that, given time. But then she ended up thing with Josh, on the 12th, he saw the guy walking away and leaving her to her feelings. Castle had been her friend, not pushing for information and leaving when she needed space, and the couple of weeks after that event they were closer, but he behave like a friend, not hoping to be anything else, just there for her.

They just got out of the car and began to move onto the building.

He was a little unsure of his next move, but he had hope so went with it, he offered his arm to her.

Who knows If she is ready or not to let her subconscious win the battle with her conscious mind. Now that she was aware of the battle, she knew which side was winning when she tangled her arm in his and they walked into their first movie night.

* * *

**i know its short but my muse went away and it's not coming back in a while and i really wanted to get this out of my head... i hope you like it! **

**let me know :D **

**bye now :3**


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